1) Mulla Nasrudin complained to the health department about his brothers.
”I have got six brothers,” he said. ”We all live in one room. They have too many pets. One has twelve monkeys and another has twelve dogs. There’s no air in the room and it’s terrible! You have got to do something about it.”
”Have you got windows?” asked the man at the health department.
”Yes,” said the Mulla.
”Why don’t you open them?” he suggested.
”What?” Yelled nasrudin, ”and lose all my pigeons?”
2) Mulla Nasrudin had just asked his newest girlfriend to marry him. But she seemed undecided.
”If I should say no to you” she said, ”would you commit suicide?”
”That,” said Nasrudin gallantly, ”has been my usual procedure.”
3) The young lady had said she would marry him, and Mulla Nasrudin was holding her tenderly. ”I wonder what your folks will think,” he said. ”Do they know that I write poetry?”
”Not yet, Honey,” she said. ”i have told them about your drinking and gambling, but i thought i’d better not tell them everything at once.”
4) Mulla Nasrudin was looking over greeting cards.
The salesman said, ”Here’s a nice one – ”to the only girl i ever loved.”
”wonderful,” said Nasrudin. ”i will take six.”
5) ”Well, Nasrudin, my boy,” said his uncle, ”my congratulations! I hear you are engaged to one of the pretty Noyes twins.”
”Rather!” replied Mulla Nasrudin, heartily.
”But,” said his uncle, ”how on earth do you manage to tell them apart?”
”Oh,” said Nasrudin. ”I Dont Try!”
6) ”And are mine the only lips, Mulla, you have kissed?” asked she.
”Yes,” said Nasrudin, ”and they are the sweetest of all.”
7) ”There just is not any justice in this world,” said Mulla Nasrudin to a friend. ”I used to be a 97-pound weakling, and whenever I went to the beach with my girl, this big 197-pound bully came over and kicked sand in my face. I decided to do something about it, so I took a weight-lifting course and after a while I weighed 197 pounds.”
”So what happened?” his friend asked.
”Well, after that,” said Nasrudin, ”whenever i went to the beach with my girl, a 257-pound bully kicked sand in my face.”
8) ”Dorothy, your boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, seems very bashful,” said Mama to her daughter.
”Bashful!” echoed the daughter, ”bashful is no name for it.”
”Why don’t you encourage him a little more? Some men have to be taught how to do their courting.He’s a good catch.”
”Encourage him!” said the daughter, ”he cannot take the most palpable hint. Why, only last night when I sat all alone on the sofa, he perched up in a chair as far away as he could get. I asked him if he didn’t think it strange that a man’s arm and a woman’s waist seemed always to be the same length, and what do you think he did?”
”Why, just what any sensible man would have done – tried it.”
”NO,” said the daughter. ”He asked me if i could find a piece of string so we could measure and see if it was so.”
9) Mulla Nasrudin, visiting India, was told he should by all means go on a tiger hunt before returning to his country.
”It’s easy,” he was assured. ”You simply tie a bleating goat in a thicket as night comes on. The cries of the animal will attract a tiger. You are up in a nearby tree. When the tiger arrives, aim your gun between his eyes and blast away.”
When the Mulla returned from the hunt he was asked how he made out. ”No luck at all,” said Nasrudin.
”Those tigers are altogether too clever for me. They Travel in Pairs, and Each one closes an eye. So, of course, I Missed them every time.”
10) An artist was hunting a spot where he could spend a week or two and do some work in peace andquiet. He had stopped at the village tavern and was talking to one of the customers, Mulla Nasrudin, about staying at his farm.
”I think I’d like to stay up at your farm,” the artist said, ”provided there is some good scenery. Is there very much to see up there?”
”I am afraid not ” said Nasrudin. ”of course, if you look out the front door you can See the barn across the road, but if you look out the back door, you can’t See anything but mountains for the next forty miles.”
11) Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were sitting on a bench in the park one evening just at dusk. Without knowing that they were close by, a young man and his girl friend sat down at a bench on the other side of a hedge.
Almost immediately, the young man began to talk in the most loving manner imaginable.
”He does not know we are sitting here,” Mulla Nasrudin’s wife whispered to her husband. ”It sounds like he is going to propose to her. I think you should cough or something and warn him.”
”Why should I warn him?” asked Nasrudin. ”Nobody warned me.”